Oh, the beauty of marriage. You get to sleep with the most beautiful girl in your life, have wonderful kids and own a decent house. You will wake up in the morning to find her cooking your breakfast and taking care of your children.
You’ll get to spend more time with her, which was once a wish you strongly desire.
But I know you’re aware of the fact that Marriage isn’t always sweet, you’ll have conflicts and misunderstandings. She can make your blood boil at times and you feel you’re suffocating when she’s in the same room. The once intimate and happy relationship turns into a strained horrifying kinship.
Marriage isn’t always beautiful, that’s why couples sign divorce papers and fight for legal rights. Based on statistics, more couples end up separating compared to a century ago. But you’re here because you don’t want to be those people. As much as possible, you want to save your marriage.
My partner and I sought help with professionals but in the end, it didn’t work out. Our relationship is comparable to walking on thin ice, if you step in the wrong place it’s game over. Expectations and lack of trust make up our relationship.
There was a time that I slept on the couch for months (which I would love to avoid now). That’s when my friend recommended me a solution to my never-ending nights of terror. Of course, I find divorce as a last resort. If this doesn’t work out, I don’t have a choice but to sign the papers.
But guess what, In the end, my marriage worked out and we have never been happier. It’s all thanks to Lee Baucom’s ‘Save the Marriage System’ Program. As much as I want to help, you can only solve your problem if you and your partner work together.
All of what I’ll say next won’t have any effect if you don’t even cooperate accordingly. Marriage is for two people who take turns in strengthening and protecting their family.
About Lee Baucom’s ‘Save the Marriage System’
I looked up ‘Save the Marriage System’ on the internet before purchasing. I saw reviews of fellow couples who are going through a hard time like us! It may take time to heal the wounds but my friend (who recommended this book) didn’t give up. Later on, his wife gradually started cooperating halfway.
According to one review from a therapist, The book is the best source to patch up your marriage which makes complete sense to me. Now that my marriage is as exciting as our first date!
Lee Baucom is a therapist who felt hopeless when he can’t solve the marriage of his clients. Because of this, he did his own research and found studies to support his claims. In the program, you will learn techniques you can use (without any professional help) to save your marriage. Here’s the most amazing revelation, it’s possible to save your relationship when you’re the only one willing to work it out.
The ‘Save The Marriage System’ focuses on making you aware of the actions you make that might worsen the relationship. As you go on the book, you will learn to have different perspectives on your marriage. To identify the biggest problem your marriage is leaning on and how to solve this.
One solution is being positive in every way possible. A positive attitude can make your partner feel comfortable (once again) and at the same time, can make your relationship stronger. Further discussion of this will be seen in the book.
You will also see the exercises after each chapter in the book after you jot down or do the activities. You will learn how to apply it in your relationship. Or it will help you observe your decisions in different situations and to ponder if you made the right choice.
Reasons To Fight For Your Marriage
- Negative Outlook
As soon as you see your spouse, all you can think of are her negatives. Thus, you strongly desire your divorce to be successful. Your thoughts are full of loath, making you want to run away from her fast. People notice more of your mistakes than your achievements. Maybe your spouse isn’t really that bad, you’re just concentrating on the bad side. Try contemplating what she has sacrificed and done for you. Hasn’t she been a great mother to your children? and a loving wife? As soon as you get home, your food and change of clothes are ready. You have a clean house, no dirt or objects lying around.
- Living Standards
Back then, you pay the bills and other expenses with the help of your spouse. Once you end your marriage, your life will change drastically. Your standard of living will decrease because you’ll be the only one paying your expenses. This means you need to have a tighter budget than before.
- Mental Health
During the process of the divorce, It will affect everyone involved mentally, emotionally, and socially. You can’t avoid conflicts and inflict wounds. You might hurt people to the point of breakdown. People will suffer one of the following: Depression, Social Withdrawal, Anxiety, Disorders, Performance in the workplace and more.
- The Aftermath
The effect of your divorce would take a huge toll after, not only for the couple but also for the children.
- The court decides the custody of the child – who has the legal right to take care of the children
- A Huge sum of money for the divorce fees – more than a few thousand dollars needs to be spent.
- Changes in relationships – there’s a possibility your friends or relatives will have to take sides.
How To Save The Marriage
- Take a break
You need some time alone to think things through before you make any more decisions. Both of you might be having a hard time and needs to take a breather. Take a few days off your work and travel with your spouse. It’s recommendable to get out of your normal state of living for a while. If you can’t afford that, take her out for dinner or a movie.
- List the issues and topics you argue about
A better way to end the conflict is by talking about it. We all know that, and an important note, you should be able to control your emotions. So, both of you should list down the issues that don’t seem to end. I don’t recommend talking about it in one sitting. It’s better to raise the issue one at a time, and as much as possible, in a calm manner. Tension will arise if you converse in a high-pitched and threatening voice.
- Think of your Partner’s Shoes
Before you keep on accusing and bursting out your emotions. Think of your partner’s state, ‘If I was her, how would I feel?’. You should be more understanding of why your partner is acting that way, why she’s shutting herself down. You’ll soon understand the reasons behind her actions or be more sympathetic to each other.
- Increase positive energy
The reason you married her is that both of you find strength in one another. Don’t forget to share your problems on any matter, it will help you lift even a little burden. Don’t forget to compliment your spouse and give time for each other, to show affection and contentment. You should still go on dates and appreciate the little acts your spouse do for you. You’ll find yourselves in each other’s arms once again.
I have learned the following:
- Secrets for a continuous healthy relationship
- Marriage conflict isn’t as easy as walking in the park. There are strategies to solve the conflicts and to continue to have a lasting relationship. Lee Baucom has researched for years, in order to back up his claims. It has shown me new possibilities to fix my once, broken marriage.
- The right way to approach a problem
- One approach focuses on the tone of your voice and its’ strength. You shouldn’t be too controlling, or aggressive but at the same time, don’t be too soft-spoken. You still need a little tweak on your voice which shows authority.
- Marriage Counseling
- According to Lee Baucom, Marriage Counseling can make your marriage worse and end badly. You’re just wasting your time and money when you can buy ‘Save the Marriage System’. One advantage is that you can do it at your own phase.
- Top 5 mistakes
- These mistakes are what we make when we approach a crisis. One might be because you’re not listening to each other’s side of the story. As in, really absorbing the information or accepting your mistakes.
- Power or authority can kill your marriage. Too much controlling in the relationship can make the other person feel suffocated. I learned how to change my attitude towards it.
- Resentment is another problem which you’ll have a hard time solving (especially when your partner doesn’t want to move on). In the book, you’ll find what to do about all of the negative emotions.
- Sex and Money
- Reading reviews and the book has made me learn how to handle and keep the fire burning in my relationship.