Marriage is a beautiful thing. The union between two people is the highest form of commitment. But why is it that most marriages today are failing?
People are quick to point out that it’s because no one has the resilience to see a marriage through a rough patch. Is that the case or is it that it’s become harder to deal with stresses of a married life? Well, marriages were created to last forever.
I mean, that’s the whole essence of the vows; that despite what life throws your way, you will both be there for each other. Isn’t that beautiful? There is no reason why you should not fight to keep the marriage going for as long as you can. You should not just give up when things start looking bleak.
What makes marriages start to feel dull?
One of my many phobias is getting married and to wake up one day and realize that I have nothing in coming with my husband. It gets worse when you have nothing to say to each other.
When this happens, I bet one of the couples sits back and starts wondering how the marriage came to that point of dullness. They had both sunk into a dark hole without even realizing. But how does this happen in the first place?
The bottom line is life before and after marriage is very different. I bet most couples do not adequately prepare for this. You definitely know that life is bound to change after you get married, but you have no idea the extent of the modification. The honeymoon phase is just about the best part, and then just like that, real life comes knocking.
You both have to get back to work, and when kids are in the picture, things get even tougher. You find that you have no time for anything, even for yourself. Every day becomes a constant struggle to manage all your responsibilities, and you barely try to hold it all together. Most couples start drifting at this point without even knowing.
Next thing you know, the next time you talk to your partner is when it’s about money, the children or renovations.
Just how boring is that?
With time, you discover that you have nothing real to say to each other. You grow distant, and the marriage starts feeling like an inconvenience.
Getting married only means one thing. You have finally won your partner’s heart, and you can rest easy now and stop trying so hard. The first part is correct. You won their heart, at last, after having tried for so long. What you should not do, however, is to settle down in your new role and get comfortable.
When you stop trying, boredom steps in and takes ground. Life becomes a routine to you, and all the cute things you used to do to make your better half smile suddenly don’t seem so relevant anymore. Couples get so comfortable and forget that they should never stop trying to impress their significant other.
How to get that romantic spark back
Marriage is not like any other relationship. You cannot afford just to get up and walk out when that spark you first had with your partner is gone. You have to look for ways to re-ignite the spark back into your marriage because, at the end of the day, you only have each other. It’s best to make those moments count.
Make time to enjoy each other’s company
Every day you wake up thinking about the million and one things you have to do by sunset. You barely have time for yourself, to just sit down and breath.
Despite your busy schedule, it’s vital that you try finding time to be with each other, even its just fir a few minutes each day. This matters a lot, and it’s bound to remind you why you got married in the first place and will ultimately bring that spark back.
In a situation where you have young children, you can decide to get a sitter one night and enjoy dinner and a movie. You can even go on a roll and take them to your sisters and have the house to yourself all weekend. Or better yet, take a vacation to that cabin you have been meaning to visit for years now.
Do not let work or kids be your whole life. You have a marriage to keep together, and you won’t do this away from each other.
Keep trying to impress each other
Remember how you tried to win their heart when you first met them? This should never have stopped happening.
When you try to impress your significant other even after marriage, it makes them feel wanted. Do not settle into a routine and get comfortable. Every once in a while, bring out the big guns.
Make him his best dish, wear that sexy dress he likes so much for dinner; give her a foot rub after a long day. Trust me, you won’t even see it happening, but your marriage will have a vibrancy you have not seen in a long time.
Recreate special moments
Re-living those special moments will remind you why you got together and kept staying together even despite everything. It will have you appreciating your partner so much more, and you will realize how good you are together.
For instance, for your next anniversary celebration, don’t just settle for dinner at the house with the kids. Instead, go out to the place you first met or better yet, where he first proposed. Recreating those moments will be magical, and you will find yourself falling in love once again.
It’s always the small things
You know your partner best. You know what makes them smile and what would literally make their day even though to you it’s such a small thing.
Might be a note on the fridge or in the lunch box reminding them how much you love them, a kiss before they leave for work or just a call to check up on them during the day. Whatever it is, and it would make them happy, do it.
Top 7 tips for fixing your marriage
Realizing that your marriage is not working anymore must hurt very much. And it should. This is something you vowed to uphold for the rest of your life. You do not have the luxury of just sitting back and letting it play out. There is so much at stake now. You have to try and fix it to avoid the inevitable from happening.
The first step you should take is accepting that there is a problem which needs to be worked out. Without acceptance, even if you try to work things out, there will be no real progress. What else can you do?
- Take some time to reflect
Convince your partner to take some time off from work so that you can go somewhere and talk things out. You can definitely try to do this at home, but there will be distractions that will only frustrate the process. It needs to be a neutral place that you can stay and talk without having to worry about other things. Talk about your situation and try to find out how you got to that point in the first place.
Next, try to look for suggestions on how best to solve these problems so that you can have your happy marriage back.
- Appreciate their effort
With time, you start thinking out some things like taking the trash out as routine chores. As much as it’s a normality, you should appreciate each other’s efforts more, no matter how small and irrelevant they seem.
This will ultimately create an environment where you constantly appreciate each other, and it will go a long way in igniting that spark back into your marriage.
- Stop focusing on the negatives
If you have ever hung out with other married couples, especially when the other couple is not around, you know that most of them complain about their partners. Rarely will you hear them say something positive about each other?
Of course, it’s not all couples who do this, but most of them do. When you are always focusing on the wrong things he/she did, it becomes a habit, and even when they do something right, you may never see it.
This is what causes frustrations in a marriage, where one person feels like all the other person sees is their mistakes, and yet they are trying. If you want a happy marriage, focus on the good things it brings, and the good traits of your significant other. We all make mistakes and it feels worse when you feel like someone focuses on what you do wrong.
- Develop intimacy
In marriage, intimacy is essential. When you get intimate, it ultimately brings you closer and makes you love each other even more. You should strive to be intimate on all levels. This is what will always get you out of that rut because the love you feel for each other is beyond your problems.
- Try out new interests together
The reason your marriage feels dull and the spark are lost might be because you hardly ever do anything anymore. A good way to enjoy each other’s company would be finding out a new activity and doing it together.
Might be as simple as playing chess at home, solving puzzles and crosswords to even going hiking together.
The trick is to go for something you have never done before and tried making it a hobby for both of you. Spending time together will help you rediscover your love for each other.
- Surprise each other regularly
Imagine how you would feel if you got picked from work and were whisked away for the weekend. Amazing, right?
You should never stop surprising each other, even if it’s with small gifts. It makes the other person know that you are thinking of them all the time. And sometimes, it’s the thought that counts.
- Seek counseling
I know that you are frowning at this right now. Most of us do not believe in telling people our problems and letting them solve them for us. But have you ever thought, even for a moment that it just might work for you? I mean, this should be your last resort if everything else fails- to seek professional help. There is a reason why counselors are there.
It’s to help people with the problems they could not deal with themselves. There’s no harm in giving it a try. After all, you would do anything to make your marriage work again.
How to make the relationship feel alive again
There are many different ways that you can make your marriage feel alive if it has lost its spark. It all comes down to knowing your spouse and what they like doing most.
Try out for fun activities together
This will definitely make you fell alive, and in return, it will revive your relationship. Trying out new challenges and facing your fears together will make you get even closer.
Do not assume that your significant other has everything handled. You need to get involved or at least show interest in whatever they do. Whether its work or just basic chores. Help out when you can. Working together will bring that spark back because you will realize how much you enjoy being together.
You can call your spouse when at work and let them know you are thinking about them. You should not be limited to just calls. Sending each other texts or emails all day, or even sneaking cute notes in their bags will make you feel like teenagers all over again. It all makes you feel alive, and your marriage will thank you for it.
5 things to avoid doing when you are married
There are certain things that a married couple cannot afford to do. It’s not to say that when you get married, you lose yourself. It only means that in a marriage, the stakes are higher. There is much more to lose now and you cannot do anything to jeopardize that.
- being unfaithful
It’s not ideal to be unfaithful even when you are in a relationship. In a marriage, this is a line you cannot dare cross because you risk losing everything you have, including the person you love the most. Cheating breaks up a marriage in ways you cannot even imagine.
I should know. My dad cheated, my mom found out eventually, and things have never been the same. At one point, divorce was on the table. But it’s not easy to walk out of 24 years of being together.
So she stayed, but things aren’t the same anymore.
- being disrespectful
You cannot disrespect your partner whatever the situation. When you disrespect them continually, they will start thinking that you do not value them anymore. This will only create distance in your marriage which will be hard to fix in the long run.
- Keeping secrets from each other
One thing you should know about secrets, one day they come out. Most marriages break because one person kept a secret from the other and when it’s finally out, no one can live with the outcome. It’s better, to be honest right from the start and deal with it together instead of keeping it to yourself then dealing with a broken marriage later on.
- Constant criticism
When you always criticize your partner, it makes them think you only focus on what they do wrong. You can look for other better avenues of relaying your concerns without making it sound like you are criticizing them
- Telling people about your problems
You should never wash your marriage linen in public or even tell people about your problems. When your partner finds out, it won’t go well. And you can’t really blame them. No one wants to feel like everyone knows their business out there.
Solve your issues between yourselves. There is no need for everyone to know what you are going through. Keeping the marriage together is hard enough without involving other people in it. It goes without saying that too many cooks will definitely spoil the broth.
How to make your relationship exciting like before
It becomes hectic keeping everything together in a marriage especially after having kids. Between attending to the children and going to work every day, you have no time for anything else. You are tired almost all the time, and it begins to take a toll on your marriage.
You agreed to stick it out together, through thick and thin. The thin is when things started getting dull, and problems start arising from every corner. You just have to deal with it eventually, or you risk losing your marriage. Just remember to find time to enjoy each other’s company. Always compliment each other and never stop trying to impress each other.
Also, discover new interests and pursue them together. This is what will keep your marriage alive and keep that fire burning.
Here’s the deal. Your children will grow up and leave. You will grow old and stop working. Your spouse is all you will have left in this world. It’s the memories and the bond you create right now that will keep you going all through.
Always go out of your way to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated, and you will never go wrong. Keeping your marriage alive should be your priority in life. After all, you have nothing else to hold on to when all the chips are down.